r/ChazNickolsonSnark Original Wiki

Welcome, you gorgeous snarkers, to the snarkiest place on earth! We launched our own little snark show in late 2018 to talk about our favorite wannabe (but never will be) almost-celeb, Charles “Chaz” Nickolson.

Chaz: Obviously a snark group called “Chaz Nickolson Snark” is about the big man himself. Chaz grew up in Blue Oak, Texas, a small suburb of Austin where he led the high school football team, the Blue Oak Bandits, to multiple victories—can’t fight the BO! He went to Texas Tech for college, and then moved back to Austin. The early years of Chaz’s marriage to our Gal Pal Tiff and what he did in those years is not really known and seems, honestly, kind of boring. This was before he became the quadfecta of influence that he is now.

Quadfecta: As he will proudly tell anyone who will listen, Chaz Nickolson is:

1)    a real estate agent

2)    a Crossfit gym owner (it’s called DreamBawd in what we think is supposed to be a pun, but…how? Is the gym itself bawdy? The bodies bawdy? The mystery remains), which he runs with his best friend/partner in crime, Grant Ford (the LeFou to Chaz’s Gaston).

3)    an internet pastor (his “chapel” is a conference room he calls “DreamSoul” in the gym)

4)    and, of course, a social media influencer.

Chazzercisers: That’s you and the intrepid group of 17k (and growing!) snarkers who have joined in to witness and comment on Chaz’s…exploration of himself and his place in the world. We’re not really going to Chaz our own dreams, but as Chaz, well, chazzes his dreams, we show up with the popcorn. And receipts. And hand sanitizer for all that chazzing.

Kymber Owens: Kymber is Chaz’s current girlfriend, after he broke up with Bodhi and went through a string of girlfriends we call Bodhi-Lites. Kymber exploded into our lives in 2021, at the height of the pandemic when so many of us were at home bored or scared. Where would we be without her unhinged rants, always spoken over Chaz’s shoulder into the camera? Without her poor-form fitness videos that mostly just feature her booty? (Literally: do not ever copy her unless you want a back injury.) Her vague-posting whenever she and Chaz are experiencing trouble in paradise? Her constant gum-smacking? Her collagen-plumped duck lips?

And always, babe, always, is the babeing. There’s so much babeing. Did you know, babe, that even when things are, like, hard, that I’ll always be here for you, babe? Babe, you’re so right. Even when they fight, babe, they’re, like, still going strong, because, like, babe, their love is real.

The sub is grateful for that, at least, because, babe, if they broke up, what else would we snark on with our tens of thousands of online besties?

Bodhi: Everything you need to know about Bodhi can be summed up in the fact that a white girl from White Settlement (suburb near Fort Worth; true name; yep, the history is exactly what you think) legally changed her name to a Sanskrit word that means “awakening or enlightenment” but that has also become a shorthand for “yes, I am eating this açai bowl judgmentally at you.”

Bodhi passed cultural appropriation in the rearview mirror years ago and has never looked back. Though judging from her many misspelled memes, she clearly missed her calling as a bad fortune cookie writer, she nonetheless excels in her chosen career of ripping off other self-help gurus and plagiarizing their ideas in watered down, more problematic renditions.

Whatever she was doing really worked for her until it wasn’t: Bodhi passed a million Instagram followers back in the days when the Kardashians were still building their platform, fueled in part by being an early influencer for {a certain celebrity’s wellness company whose name I redacted}. [Please enjoy the…jade egg video, which we know for a fact is still being used as a meme all over the internet.]

But for those of you who live under a rock, Bodhi fell from grace in April 2018 after what we now call Barista-gate (see below, or watch the full meltdown in all its glory on TMZ, read this write up in Newsweek, or the outstanding feature in the New York Times).*** Two weeks after Barista-gate, Bodhi and Chaz had their candlelit uncoupling ceremony that was widely and deservedly panned (there was even a brilliant takedown by Youtuber and friend-of-the-sub, Tanya Tells All). Now we chronicle Bodhi’s increasingly desperate attempts to return to her glory days, and watch as things get worse and worse for Bodhilicious every year that passes.

Bodhi-Lites: Our own u/MonicaLewinskyLove coined this term for the interchangeably blonde, fit, and young honeys Chaz hooked up with after Barista-gate. Some were bougie woo-woo, others were more hard-core-fitness, but they all had one thing in common: growing social media followings. They hitched their star to Chaz, or he hitched his star to them, or they all…well, no one actually got hitched but there was a lot of hooking up and taking selfies, ostensibly to get more famous. Those were dark years in Chaz’s life as he…found himself. Or found something, at least.

Chaz now employs a few of them in his Crossfit gym, and they pop up in videos every once in a while, but who can keep them straight? We cannot. We just call the blond ones Bodhi-Lites, and the brunette one…wait for it…Brunette Bodhi-Lite.

We’re glad he dated one brunette. Diversity matters, y’all.

The Breakup: Popcorn out, fearless snarkers! If you’re new to this little space, you might not have been there for the roller coaster months in which Bodhi’s and Chaz’s situationship was breaking apart faster than icebergs in a warming planet (too depressing?). But we’re tired of answering these questions in the comments, so we decided to write out the timeline here.

OCTOBER 2015: When Chaz and Bodhi first hooked up, it was love at first sight: soul mates finding their twin, yin and yang, yada yada yada. Bodhi was Chaz’s gateway drug into the big leagues of self-help and fame-seeking. Bodhi was the emotional and psychological savior and Chaz her adoring disciple. She constantly came down from the metaphorical mountains of enlightenment to bathe him and everyone else in the wisdom of her superior insight and chakra-opening love (yes, she said that; [I took away the link to the video for your own wellbeing]; you can’t scrub this video from your brain; we’ve tried).

Chaz was VERY good for Bodhi’s business. Her numbers exploded when they got together, and Chaz built an almost instant platform overnight. They had great chemistry on camera. And they’re both extremely pretty. Case in point: Bodhi convinced Chaz to play shirtless with puppies to fundraise for Austin Pets Alive and the viral post crashed the nonprofit’s website. It got picked up by People magazine and Entertainment Weekly and all kinds of other places. They leveraged their ‘adorably fit, spiritually enlightened couple’ shtick for extremely lucrative endorsements (no, we don’t know how much, but if you do, we’re all ears! DM the mods!)

AUGUST 2017, aka Chaz’s Dark Ages II: Bodhi kicked Chaz’s ass to the curb via a released PR statement. Her ‘astrologer’ (extremely sus woman who basically always tells Bodhi whatever she wants to hear) gave her a star-chart (no, this is not how star charts work) telling her “to focus on your own journey of becoming and breathing” (Chaz kept her from breathing?). According to some posts by people who apparently encountered the pair in the wild, Chaz was belligerently drunk one too many times and Bodhi got sick of him. We don’t know the full story, but we do know they were entangled financially and she worked hard over the next two years to untangle them. (We cannot recommend the series by the meticulous u/NanciDrew42 enough; come for the bullet points, stay for the extraordinary revelations about Chaz’s finances.)

It seemed clear that Bodhi and Chaz were “charting their next steps together but alone,” as she put it. Then…things got less clear. They were on again. Then off again. Then…on. Sort of. Then off. Then onnnnn, then whew, they were OFF again. There were so many quotes about ‘suffering’ and ‘leaning in’ and ‘the hard’ we can’t link to them all or we’d be here all day. But then, everything changed in…

JANUARY 2018: When Chaz disappeared. For weeks. There were no posts, no updates, no nothing. Then, in early March, almost exactly eight weeks later, Chaz shared this photo of a Gideon Bible in a shady hotel room and a very long word salad about finding the Lord. U/AxolotlLover figured out within five hours of the post where he was: a rehab outside of San Marcos, not far from Blue Oak.

That’s where he met Grant Ford, by the way; more here on their relationship and the birth of DreamBawd Gym and DreamSoul.

You might think that’s the end of Chaz and Bodhi, but think again. Their love could not be stopped that easily. They still had one more little nugget for us, which leads us to…

APRIL 2018, “Barista-Gate”: For two weeks, Bodhi and Chaz got back together, all day, all the time; they posted truly a bonkers number of times about each other and love and all that schmaltz. And then, in late April, several separate videos from a Houndstooth coffee shop in downtown Austin—Bodhi tagged her location right before the videos occurred—made it to Twitter and then to us and then to TMZ.

Barista-gate was the beginning of the end for Bodhi Bruce’s online reputation.

Grant Ford: Quickly dubbed LeFou to Chaz’s Gaston, Grant is Chaz’s business partner and sometime Insta-guest. In general, we find that LeFou doesn’t really gather as much snarking as he does puzzlement—why would a seemingly nice guy who is cute in a less “obviously obsessed with his own image” kind of way spend so much time with Chaz? There’s been a lot of speculation over the years. One anonymous friend of the sub gave us a full report in late 2021 about what’s really going on at DreamBawd Gym in scenic Blue Oak (though again, WE DO NOT GO AND HARASS THE BUSINESS; this was a long-time customer dishing on the drama). In a nutshell, it’s mostly just a normal Crossfit gym doing normal gym things—people working out in an environment that smells like ripe socks and disinfectant. And then, occasionally, Chaz comes through and loudly proclaims his aphorisms for the day, or corrects people’s form…incorrectly.

The one good thing seems to be that even if Chaz has no idea what he’s doing, most of the people around him do; his small army of ex-girlfriends and wannabe Bodhis seem pretty competent. Grant feels like a normal manager of a small-town gym, who occasionally ends up in awkward videos where his job seems to be to soothe Chaz’s often wounded ego. You can almost hear him sing, “Gosh, it disturbs us to see you, Gaston, looking so down in the dumps.” #LeFou4Eva

Lily Ferrero: The intern who works with Chaz, LeFou, and the Bodhi-Lites at DreamBawd Gym. Other than our Gal Pal Tiff, there’s no one we love more than Lily. She’s just trying to make ends meet till she graduates with a shiny kinesiology degree. Lily, when you quit, call us—we want to hear EVERYTHING. And we will all write you letters of rec. You have 17,000 huge fans over here. Keep up the good work, girlfriend.

Kymber Owens: We wish we knew more about the tornado that is Kymber, but despite all of our best efforts (and this sub can RESEARCH), we know very little about Kymber’s past before she came into Chaz’s life. Her middle name is Dawn, or at least, that’s what she wants us to think, because her social media handle is Kymber Dawn. She’s somewhere around the age of 30, but her exact age is anyone’s guess. She could be 75 for all we know, and just very “well preserved” for her age (they still use formaldehyde in some beauty products, y’all—check your labels).

She clearly does not have family, or they’re estranged, because she never mentions them and no evidence of them can be found. We suspect that “Kymber Dawn” is not her original name, and there have been a number of rabbit-hole threads with theories about who she used to be, but so far, they’re all theories. Kymber’s current hair color, evident nose job, filler, and capped teeth make any kind of identification speculation at best.

She’s a mystery to us. But what’s not a mystery: the amount of chaos she brings into Chaz’s world.

__________

***[AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is a fictional promotional site for the novel A Zoom with a View by Jess Cannon. All articles and links are fictional. TMZ, Newsweek, and the New York Times are all trademarks of their respective owners and are used here for fictional purposes only as an extension of the world-building in the novel. No affiliation or endorsement is implied.]